Regrets

So as i type this Nathan is on his way to California for Thanksgiving.

Since i had been SO confident in our decision to not take Reese i hadn't really thought about being upset that Nathan was still going. I figured it would be like any other time that we were apart for one reason or another.

I was wrong.

I'm SO stinkin' sad about the whole thing - especially now that he is in route and we're not. Don't get me wrong, i'm not second guessing our decision, because i really do think we made the right one, but the whole thing just SUCKS arse.

A part of me was really looking forward to traveling together (and a big part of me was dreading the first plane ride with an 8 month old) as a family. The bigger part of me was just looking forward to being back in California since we seem to miss it a lot lately. Nathan called from the airport and said it was really empty which just irked me since i kept assuming it was going to be ridiculously crowded which would make bringing the baby even more dreadful. So i was wrong there.

I'm already thinking of when we'll re-use our tickets and fly out (hopefully in the spring). I want Reese to be a traveler most definitely, but the older they get the harder it is for some time at least, since they become more and more mobile. I guess we'll just have to get creative when we do fly with her on how to keep her busy.

I never wanted to be one of those parents who seemed "too careful" (although i'm not sure that really is ever possible when you're responsible for another life), and i know that some people think i was totally ridiculous for making the decision that i (we) made. What i have to remind myself is this: Making the decision to not fly with Reese during one of the worst flu seasons in history was solely based on that fact and that fact alone. It's bad right now. Was it guaranteed that she would get the flu? I don't know. Was it guaranteed she wouldn't? I don't know. What i do know is I stand by my decision to protect her in the best way i could. It has NOTHING to do with not wanting to go to California (quite the contrary, in fact), and it has nothing to do with being over protective. I do think kids should travel and be brought up in an environment where they can learn to "go with the flow" (although i've learned quickly that children don't understand that motto). But if traveling across the country and going with the flow means risking her health right now - then i won't live that way.

So while i don't regret not going, i regret assuming that this week would be easy for me. I regret convincing myself that i wouldn't be sad, or cry a little, when my husband left without us to take a trip that, as a family, we were supposed to take.

Now i'm trying to focus on enjoying the next 5 days off with my baby girl and fit in some much needed quality time.

So, until spring, California - here's to my husband flying with angels and returning home safely to his two girls who miss him tons already!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Be thankful for everything you have as there is always someone who has it worse then you.